I’m a World Class Layabout!

I have selective hearing. Especially when I’m working.

They like to tell us that our work is due whether we’re there or not. Paperwork being the big bugbear that no one can seem to find the time to complete. After all, we’re always keeping in mind the impossibility of either working off the clock or collecting overtime. So retail’s paperwork always falls to the wayside. Somehow always ending up being less important than the more tangible, physical pursuits.

I mean, given the choice between making money or talking about making money, who’s going to choose the latter?

While HR might not condone this attitude, they should at least respect the fact that I learned from the best. Back when I was teaching, Dr. Q was my block’s science teacher. A crazy Colombian who would entertain us with stories about the drug trade back home. Such as meeting friends he went to high school with, back when Q was earning his doctorate, who were now cocaine millionaires. A disparity that must have made moving to the States to teach disadvantaged youths the physics behind “buoyancy” that much more difficult.

I don’t think any of us ever figured out what exactly he was a doctor of, unless you can get a Ph.d in awesomeness.

It was a Title 1 school, so we were teaching an assortment of students with a plethora of problems. Problems that begat paperwork. Individual education plans for each needy student. Plans outlining what accommodations were needed in order for the student to succeed.

After the plans were made, you had to periodically update them. Figure out whether the plans were working or not. If a student is succeeding, then you ease back the restrictions. If they’re not, then tougher perimeters must be put in place.

There was one teacher tasked with correlating all this important information. She’d put the plans and their due dates in your mailbox. You’d then supply any modifications.


Readers who know me will know I’m way too uptight to let something as important as this slip through the cracks. This was children’s futures we’re talking about here! Mine would be done that day, and I’d go around the block collecting those of my peers, when and if they were done. Badgering them to complete them if not.

On the collection run, Dr. Q would only laugh, and say he had thrown his out.

It’s not that he didn’t care, or wasn’t concerned with his students, just that he was more concerned with the act of teaching itself. Rather than describe what he was doing, he would just do it. The kids didn’t need the paperwork, so it was a secondary concern.

I never really followed his belief until I transferred into the world of retail . Kids are something I can care about. They have futures that’ll hopefully be brighter than mine. They could make millions programming apps for cell phones, or become (in)famous for developing viruses for said phones! Maybe some would even grow up to play roller derby!

Retail, of course, is another beast. A beast that my conservative, more capitalist-minded friends would feel is more deserving of my attentions. It, after all, might cut me off a small slice of whatever profits my work earns it; if said profits are big enough. Which is a game I have no interest in playing.


Is ShenaniTims full of shit? Tell him now!

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