Locked in the Gold Watch Factory

I picked up the Annie soundtrack today. It’s friggin’ awesome! Here we have a soundtrack containing all the greatness of the movie without wasting all that time watching Albert Finney’s distractingly shiny head.

I once had a boss who admitted to me to having never seen the film. I was aghast. Still am. It’s a part of (modern) Hollywood history! Never has the platonic love shared between red-headed orphans and bald millionaires ever been so touchingly, not to mention safely, portrayed! Lolita as written by anyone who’s not Nabokov!

Shocks such as these are tough to absorb.

My brother once confided to me that prior to marrying her, his wife had never watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I wrote this instance off as simply a manifestation of her Northern-ness.

I mean, she called soda “pop” when I met her!

“Hey, TIm, I see you sure love your ‘pop(!)’.”

“Uh, yeah, sure…” Not sure what the hell she was talking about. I mean, I’ve never been that particularly fond of my father and his decisions. Was it possible I was sending the wrong signals?

[In a whisper] “Psst… Tim, she’s talking about your soda.”

[Clutching the 2-liter bottle of chemically goodness] “Oh, yeah, I love it!”

It’s only natural she hadn’t seen Willy… All Marylanders do up there is reenact the Battle of Gettysburg and watch NASCAR anyway.

But my boss is from Miami! A true, “cultural” city! I’m betting with orphanages even!

Did he not have a television in the goddamn box he, apparently, grew up in?

I don’t expect everyone I know to have seen all the movies I consider standards. Surely some of you out there had friends growing up! If you haven’t seen Nacho Cerda’s Aftermath, or Hideshi Hino’s Flowers of Flesh and Blood; I’d probably be saddened by your loss, but I couldn’t realistically be disappointed. I can understand your condition. Not everyone grew up with a brother who couldn’t sleep at night without viewing at least part of Judge Dredd.

But Annie?

C’mon!

I’ve decided to learn “You’re Never Fully Dressed without a Smile,” so I’ll always have a song to sing at inappropriate times. Some people tell sex jokes at work, others, show tunes!

Now I recently shocked a minute portion of the world’s population by admitting that I’ve never seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. But I know the film exists. I even know what it’s about! I just have chosen not to see it.

Annie, though, has themes that everyone can relate to. I, too, had a dog of my own growing up. He only lasted a week before my mother took his collar off and set him loose in the “wilds” of South River, NJ, but he was still mine for a week!

You’re still missed, Clifford, my little buddy. You’re still missed… with a smile.

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One Response to “Locked in the Gold Watch Factory”

  1. Matt Curran Says:

    Dude the original Willy Wonka freaked me the f@$% out as a kid.

Is ShenaniTims full of shit? Tell him now!

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