The Butterscotch Brigade (Version B)

“Attacked by hobos!?!”

You don’t realize how at home, how safe phrases such as that make me feel. Especially when heard at work. Especially when they’re directed at me.

The HR department had a brilliant idea a few weeks ago. Rather than brainstorm ways to cut costs and save payroll, they created personality profiles instead. And thus blew payroll typing the replies into their database.

This is exactly why I have to laugh when people (still) talk about some sort of Big Brother organization spying on us. I work for a multinational corporation, a Baby Brother if you will. People cry about Big Brother’s triumph, but has anyone thought about what Bro’s going to do after he has control? All he really seems concerned with is what my favorite color is, what my pet peeves are, and how much I can bench-press.

If the eyes upstairs want to know that I love: monkeys, pirates, and escalators; so be it. I also hate: children, pets, and polo shirts. It’s practically for their own protection.

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