Unapologetically Pissy (Part I)

“20, 40, 60, 80, 100, 120, 140.” Then comes the quick double-check, “$140; does that sound right to you?”

A cold stare as icy as her metallic silver hair, “Banks just count the bills. 1, 2, 3, 4. They don’t tell you how much it is.”

“Excuse me?”

When,” huffing, “you go to a bank to deposit money and you hand them your money, they just count how many bills you’ve given them. They don’t give you the numeric amount.

Well ma’am, most of our customers here don’t have bank accounts. Many, I’d venture to guess, can barely count. Which is why I’ve made it a point to double-check all “payment” amounts that I get. If I had a dime for every time a customer handed me a check made out for $140 yet only wanting to pay $50, I’d have enough change to open my own bank!

Naturally, I can’t say this, as she’d get lost somewhere in that unwieldy and labyrinthian fourth sentence. (Also, I tend to talk faster when I’m being a smart-ass. I like to believe no one will notice that way.) So I instead follow my mother’s time-honored advice, “Kill them with snide-ness, wrapped up as kindness.”

Looking around at my surroundings, with the smirk of a smile slowly breaking out, “Well, I guess it’s a good thing I don’t work at a bank.” Leaning in, talking conspirally low, “I sure hope my boss doesn’t find out!”

I just couldn’t resist.

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One Response to “Unapologetically Pissy (Part I)”

  1. It may be my sleeplessness and today’s pathetic attempts at shoveling the part of the Midwestern snowstorm that landed at my front door, but I don’t quite understand what’s happening here. Unless the silver haired woman is insane? Personally, I love it when someone tries to keep me from losing money.

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