Unapologetically Pissy (Part II)

No one’s been safe recently: the customers (obviously), my co-workers, or even my boss.

My team’s been divided by a field-trip I’ve created, proposing to go to Dinosaur World. There are now “people going to Dinosaur World,” and those poor, unfortunate souls who’re being left behind. I’ve done my best to explain how all of us can’t possibly go, as someone needs to stay to watch the place. Who better then the last to arrive at the party?

No one buys that answer. Nor my Tom Sawyer-ian, “I wish I could stay and work on all these projects! It’d be so much fun!” explanation.

Now, whenever anyone calls out sick, they’ve “gone to Dinosaur World.”

Naturally, my bosses have no clue what’s going on. All they see is us laughing; which, in the psychology of a boss, is dangerous. If someone’s having fun, and you’re not in on it, then clearly it’s at your expense. A self-fulfilling prophecy, as the quickest way to get laughed at is to ask, “What’s Dinosaur World?”

“You don’t know? Oh, you’re one of them…” Laughter continues. “No, no, it’s fine, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

My poor boss gets the brunt of it. He’s one of those sad sacks that just wants to wait out his remaining years until retirement without having to do any heavy lifting. The maximum pay for minimal work type. His spark has long since been extinguished.

Which is where I come in. When I’m at work, and not talking about Dinosaur Land, I’m all about work 100%. It gives me something to focus on, which is a life-saver when you occasionally have to scrape shit off of walls.

(On a side note: while my love for absurdity has clearly done nothing but improve at this store, my permissiveness towards hobos has been waning. As of yet I have no proof that they’re the ones clogging all the toilets. We are located next to a movie theater, so it could be scatologically-minded middle-/high-schoolers. But I can’t think of any high schooler who would jam used toilet paper into the wall and hold it there until the feces hardens into some sort of homemade sticky-tac.

Plus, the dirt tracks left by the shoes are a dead giveaway. Everyone knows you’ll have clean shoes when you’re not the one buying them.)

This commitment is one-part boredom relief, and one-part put-on. ‘Cuz the only use of any ideology is to push it as far as it can go before it breaks. The only belief I hold dear is that absurdity is a tool designed for every situation. What better way to make a point against the mindlessness of work then by subscribing wholeheartedly to it?

So my boss is left trying to deal with me; acting as an encyclopedia of the company’s endless rules and regulations. Engaging in arguments that no one has a chance of winning since one party is only concerned with continuing the argument as long as possible.

It’s like bringing a gun to a fun-fight; what do you do with someone who’s as ready to laugh at himself as at you?


One Response to “Unapologetically Pissy (Part II)”

  1. Sorry your Tom Sawyer attitude didn’t work! Fun post.

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