A Wonder Amongst Wonders

Lately, I’ve been spending most of my weekends wandering around St. Pete searching for adventures. (And bringing life to the endless roller derby notes I’m fighting with.) Some days, though, the adventure finds you.

Check it out! It’s not often you run into a disaster of almost Biblical proportions at Publix! Diet Doctor Pepper with Cherry!?! It’s akin to pouring sugar all over your shit; the flies will stlll love it, but who else is even going to dare try it?

Now some flavors share a nearly symbiotic bond. The “peanut butter and jelly” effect if you will. This chemistry knows no bounds, stretching over to fluids as well.

Everyone knows that teachers drink gin and Coke.

Grandmothers: Vodka and Sprite.

The upper classes: Courvoisier and R.C.

Diet Dr. Pepper and cherries? Or any type of Dr. Pepper and cherries? If we learned anything two Christmases ago when they unveiled the Dr. Pepper with cherries and vanilla, its that the ole Doc is not a mixer.

You wouldn’t want to mix this with your tongue, let alone with another flavor, and then your tongue!

If colas will eat through the paint on your car, as is rumored, then it stands that Dr. Pepper would eat through the paint, the frame, the rubber wheels, the tar under the wheels, through the mantle, crust, etc. until reaching China. Where, after setting off an international incident the likes of which haven’t been seen since our fighter crashed. Then, and only then, would the spilt soda leave our plane of existence, and start melting its way through hell.

Needless to say, I had to be quite careful when pouring it.

It tastes like you’d imagine it tastes. Having recalled all those ignored holiday flavored ones years ago, they stored it, having no way to dispose of it. After two years, the natural destructive nature that is Dr. Pepper ate through the vanilla, but not yet the cherry. In two more years, they’ll be able to reresell this stuff as “classic” Dr. Pepper.


Is ShenaniTims full of shit? Tell him now!

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