Halloween Endurance Test: Cabin Fever (2002)

I wanted to hate this movie so much.  I mean, it stars that fucking kid from Boy Meets World, Rider Strong!  Fucking A!  Not only is his ugly ass lending “star” power to the film, but his character makes no damn sense.

He plays a kid who’s in college and desperate to fuck.  Now that’s not so unbelievable; it’s out there, but not unbelievable.  Like drugs they practically force sex upon you in college.  I reportedly once had sex there, and if I can do it then there’s no way I can believe this television (wanna-be) “star” is having trouble.  He was friends with a Savage!  (Not the talented one, but still.  It’s closer to Fred than I’ll ever be.  At least until I crash his funeral.)  What is strange is that he acts like they can’t screw.  Does his parents run his dorm?  What the hell is that about?

This confusion was later compounded with the scene dubbed by the film’s scorer as “the fingering scene.  The ‘red-blood-love’ fingering scene.”  That man should stop writing music and start writing my blogs, ‘cuz that line made me laugh.  (Though the song’s pretty awesome too.)

Now as mentioned at the start, the Boy Meets World kid can barely summon the courage to kiss the girl.  Twelve hours later, when she’s deathly ill, he’s all about groping her as she sleeps!

No wonder he’s having so much trouble getting laid!  Having to find a girl that you think sorta likes you, wait for her to get sick and then molest her as she sleeps?  That’s quite the fetish.

This might be the most disgusting scene in the film.  Not when his finger comes up dripping in blood, but when he sticks it down her pants to begin with.  I don’t care with he was in Boy Meets World.  Does being in a shitty show with a Savage grant you that much leeway?  To just randomly grope?  Even if you try to play it off as totally heart-felt.  Corey’s related to Fred and all he got was Topanga!  So clearly the Savage draw isn’t that great.

Then the object of his affections kisses him and falls into the water.  I question the continuity here ‘cuz in the next shot her hair is dry.  As she’s swimming in the water.  Accepting this caused me almost as much trouble as the sex conundrum above.  Really.  I must have rewound that scene a million times just to make sure I was right.

Director/Producer/Writer Eli Roth is great though, even if the film is more of a “torture” flick than a “horror” film.  It revels in its characters’ (deserved) misery.  Only existing to see how much pain and suffering Roth can devise for its participants.

In this Cabin Fever makes a perfect counterpoint to the whole despicable SAW franchise.  In SAW supposedly only the impure are punished; ‘cuz everyone has a chance to repent.  Like I noted last year, it’s like a cinematic representation of the Bush regimes’ belief system.  Movie like these can only be made, and succeed(!), in times when people are already scared by life in general.

Cabin Fever posits that everyone is guilty.  Morality should play no part in your life because you’re going to die anyway.  The only question is how loud, and how long, you’re going to scream before you go.  Some go quietly (the girl in the shed) while others thrash about puking on everyone else.

As you should be able to tell, I enjoyed this film.

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