From Where the Sun Now Stands I Will Tuck My Shirt In No More, Forever

Cocksucker.

If Saturday had a word of the day, that’s what it was. 

I couldn’t resist saying it to myself half a day long.

It’s fun to say.  You can make it cut when you say it. 

Ties have been outlawed at work.  I received word Saturday before lunch.  They don’t gel with the bigwig’s image of his company.  Apparently having fun isn’t the same as providing the image of having fun.   We need to project a image of leisure. 

Not the best message to get prior to a break.  It did allow me to disappear and curse in the parking lot though.  

If you haven’t heard me curse; it sounds like me muttering “cocksucker” (or any other expletive) to myself angrily. 

So off comes my black tie.  Fucker. 

My job just became a lot less interesting.  Now starts the search for fun new ways to exploit this “leisure” dress idea at work.  Ties are out, slovenness is in!

It’s funny, I wrote this one years (and two stores) ago, and I still haven’t backed down. There was the infamous “shirt incident” where I wore a shirt so wrinkled no one who looked at it could resist talking about it. Which was great, ‘cuz it gave me ample time to create and try out new comebacks:

Concerned and gullible co-worker:”Tim, what happened to your shirt? Did you sleep in it?”

ShenaniTims: [Straight-faced] “Yes, yes I did. I was kicked out of my place so I don’t have anywhere to stay. I spent the night in my car, behind the store, last night.”

CGCW: “Oh. My. God. Really?

S/T: “No, I just don’t own an iron.”

It’s out of character, but I really couldn’t just leave her there believing me. She’d have tried calling an intervention at their next big-wig meeting, and be met by her peers’ laughs (“He was only being lazy, you fool!”). So I let her off the hook.

I also left the whole “homelessness” angle drop, as it had come to fruition when someone bought into it. Opting for the equally amusing “modern art” explanation.

“It’s my cubist interpretation of a shirt!”

Needless to say, only one co-worker understood what I was talking about. All my zoning was again carried out alone.

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