A Roller Derby Christmas Story (Deadly Rival Roller Derby)

The Red Ryders' Brawl Marx eluding the Ralphies' Ultra Sonic and Pyx E Nyx

Santa came early in December, bearing three gifts: women, wheels, and a holiday bout celebrating one of the greatest holiday films of all time (uh, A Christmas Story). The women were the Deadly Rival Roller Derby league, a “new” squad of women fresh off a split from the Pinellas County Roller Girls. The wheels, obviously, symbolized everyone’s favorite sport: roller derby.

This recap marks a first in my derby career, with the majority of the reporting coming based off of real-life scores! With numbers backing it up and everything! Thanks to the tireless bean-counting of NSO supreme SugaDaddy, now when I say Freakshow dominated on the track, I have some facts backing up the claim!

The biggest improvement is that the girls are clearly a lot more comfortable skating out there. The Ralphies boasting two potent, and homegrown, jammers: Smash A Licious and Sindy Lou Who. (Sindy also having the distinction of representing two Christmas movies tonight.) Each were tied point-wise, at 27 apiece, collectively making up the majority of the Ralphies’ 101 points. (The majority of the rest were provided by ex-Tampa Bay Derby Darlin Freak Show; in her first bout since returning after years overseas.)


This is now a total package. With both pop culture references and honest-to-goodness facts standing proudly side-by-side right here!


Is ShenaniTims full of shit? Tell him now!

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