Off-Season Reviews: Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000)

[Having been left with so many leftover movies from 2011’s Halloween Endurance Test, I’ve decided to watch a few every month. Each month will have a theme: January’s will naturally be winter. ‘Cuz it’s cold. I haven’t decided on a title for this run yet, so we’ll settle on “Cantaloupes” until the summer, when it’ll change into “Peppermint” or, hopefully, something more suitable.]

I’m two minutes into Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman, and I’m already in love. I hope this feelings doesn’t fade. While you can’t very well say that a script involving the words “mutant killer snowman” is good; at least the absurdity is carried out painlessly.

Why the love? This film might be the most economical of any film, in any genre. It opens with a cop, Sam Tiler (Christopher Allport), spilling his guts to his shrink; where it’s casually mentioned that Sam needs to forget about his Jack Frost (Scott MacDonald) obsession. Cue a first-hand recounting of the previous film; minus the gratuitous flashback scenes that usually get tacked on. Instant love.

Those of us (99.9999 repeating%) of the world who missed the first one are now caught up to speed about everything you might need to know about this franchise. All before the credits roll!

Oh my god, this is just bananas now. Director/Scriptwriter Michael Cooney must have been going for some kind of postmodern filmmaking award given out for the number of times you tear down the fourth wall. ‘Cuz after the opening we meet Colonel Hickering (Ray Cooney), the manager of a Caribbean hotel who’s foreshadowing what’s going to happen to his guests as they get off the bus. And by “foreshadow” I mean tell you what the fuck is going to happen in 30 minutes.

Shonda Farr's brief, but memorable, contribution to the film.

This is the perfect set-up. The film’s just started and I already love all the cast- and crew-members!

Amazing, for a film so concerned with both the future and the past, Jack Frost 2… pays almost no attention to the present. While we know why Sam visits the tropical resort (to escape from the memories of Jack Frost’s murders), we never do learn why Jack follows him. Revenge? Happenstance? Bad luck?

Though I guess motivation(s) aren’t so important when your monster is a serial killer reincarnated as an amorphous blob of snow. One that throws deadly icicles and snow balls when it’s not too busy changing into a giant snow anvil.

I can't honestly tell that's a trap. Can you?

Okay, watching Jack Frost melt in a pool of antifreeze is kind of gross. Frost ends up looking like some ice cream floating atop some water; slowly becoming more disgusting with each passing minute. Actually, I think it’s this human, “Oh my god, someone wasted ice cream” response that’s so disheartening.

Only now, in honor of the sequel, Jack Frost is immune to antifreeze. In fact ingesting the once deadly substance makes him pregnant; giving birth via snowball regurgitation.

Jack Frost’s pups are, inexplicably, more efficient killers, cutting through the film’s cast at a faster rate than Frost ever managed. They also allow Jack Frost 2 to make film history as the first movie based around giant, styrofoam balls. Remember this the next time you’re walking through Michaels thinking “this craft stuff would be great for a movie!”

The idea has now been done.

Jack Frost’s new weakness is another brilliant twist. We find that Jack and Sam are linked via some kind of blood transfer that happened somewhere. (I’m guessing a scene from Jack Frost.) This is how Jack tracked him to the Caribbean, as well as being the cause of the mutation making Frost immune to antifreeze. It also, however, makes Jack highly susceptible to bananas; one of Sam’s allergies.

So our heros take to the streets armed with banana daiquiris, and the fun begins. Literally, right after we find this out. The one actress unable to keep a straight face upon receiving the news that Jack Frost and her friend are both poisoned by nature’s greatest fruit.

I can’t decide whether it’s honorable or deplorable that Michael Cooney realized that his plot is so mind-numbingly stupid that not even the characters he’s writing can accept it! A live-action version of that Looney Tunes cartoon (Ducks Amuck) where Daffy combats the illustrator.

The plot may be absurd, but its resultant death by banana arrow should’ve been an Oscar contender…