Happy (Belated) Valentine’s Day, ShenaniTims!

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I bought myself a hand mixer today. Mainly because it’s a hand mixer, but apparently it’s also Valentine’s Day. [Or was, when this was hurriedly written in a parking lot.] And as I’ve already redefined what a great boyfriend is, I figured I’d fly solo this year.

Give everyone a chance to step their game up.

I figure hand mixers are what the little boy who lives in my head would want on Valentine’s if he had a girlfriend. And if he didn’t live in my head.

So he’ll be vicariously happy watching me mix things with my hands while I dream of peddling a bicycle. (The other, secret, reason I was so excited to get a hand mixer. It’s like peddling a bike with your hands! And you get delicious food in the process. My bicycles, as much as I have loved them all, have never helped me bake a cheesecake.)

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Perhaps I’ll remove my keys from my carabiner and hang the hand mixer from it instead. That’ll make me and that damn kid happy.

Random stranger [glancing at the hand mixer oddly hanging from my hip]: “What do you have there?”

ShenaniTims: “It’s a hand mixer. [Incredulously] Where you born in the backwoods? Didn’t they have them where you’re from?”

With such incredible social skill in imaginary conversations, it’s clearly an uphill battle to find a girlfriend before the next Valentine’s Day. Or even to not be stabbed before the next Valentine’s Day.

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Is ShenaniTims full of shit? Tell him now!

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