Definitely a Lot Worse than Mashed Potatoes

One thing I’m most thankful for, and something my ever so humble self rarely talks about, is my forethought. Tonight, after feasting at both my sister’s Thanksgiving extravaganza and then my aunt’s, I washed up and prepared for bed. What I hope will become the post-Thanksgiving tradition in the post-retail years to come.

One small problem though, I forgot my glasses. As I’ve talked about earlier, my unaided eyesight is horrible. I think I (accurately) described it once as “seeing in watercolors.” I believe my amazing optometrist graded it as 20/200 (“legally blind”) when I went for glasses before 8th grade started.

I’m so aware of how bad my eyesight is that I even carried my glasses with me everywhere even after I had switched to contacts. I was subbing at the time, and was painfully aware that I was one mere eye rub away from trying to supervise a classroom full of budding miscreants totally blind.

“Hey you, who’s name I probably know but who’s face I cannot see, put that down!”

So for years I carried my glasses in my bag as back-up. Even though I’ve only ever had to use them once.

Tonight would be the second time. I took my contacts out and looked through my booty bag. Nothing. No glasses. Oh shit. The night I had dreamed of, lounging on my aunt’s couch; reading Pynchon’s “Gravity’s Rainbow,” editing sandcastle pictures, and watching the Food Network’s Chopped reruns came crashing down.

Until I realized that I still had these original back-up glasses stored in my car! As it happened, after I updated my glasses (which were nearly 15 years old at that point) I put my original pair in my car’s glove box as another needless failsafe. Just in case, I don’t know, I foolishly took out my contacts while driving to work after a freak “bug in the eye after my windshield shatters” accident.

Sometimes being super-meticulous pays off, even if it’s only once every 10 years or so.

Is ShenaniTims full of shit? Tell him now!

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