Popular By Nobody’s Standards

It’s truly a wonder that it took Target as long as it did to get rid of me. (Or, more likely, it’s a testament to just how awful my boss there was. He wanted me gone oh so badly, but was either too lazy or incompetent to do anything about it.) One day my boss demanded that I get my team to sell more credit cards by creating a prize for them to win. Look guys, your hard work is appreciated! Here’s some cheap crap!

Most often someone would grab a gift basket, a $5 DVD, and throw in two boxes of movie theater candy; instant date night for those who secretly want to be single and so are hoping their significant other leaves them. Normally someone else would create the prizes, leaving the “real work” to me: fixing things, training people, handling guests. I was asked to create a prize once, and what a glorious day it was!

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And so it began. I spent the rest of the day talking about Target’s new “adoption” policy; as the anthropomorphized bag was given a name, “Bobble.” I spoke endlessly on the walkie-talkies about how anyone could be lucky enough to win Bobble and take him home. To their credit, none of my co-workers had a clue to what I was carrying on about. I doubt my boss even knew, and he was the reason for me taking it over the top!

I managed to keep the charade going on so long, while enjoying it so much, that it eventually transformed from a not-so-subtle “fuck you” directed from me to my boss, to a “Tim is fucking crazy” from my boss to his peers! You can get into trouble for being disobediant. But being insane? They can’t very well hold that against you.

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