Archive for the Oldies But Baddies Category


Posted in Hogwan Hijinks!, Oldies But Baddies, Tales From the Hogwan with tags , , , , , , on November 19, 2018 by shenanitim

Translation: Memories.

While checking out Facebook’s (horrid) “Live Through Your Past” function, I found this old one. Which, had I been actively chronicling my life over here, I certainly would’ve shared. So, enjoy!

When I left for work today, Trump was leading and I figured it was over. But I understood that some might still have hope.

On the way home from work the cashier at the convenience asked me, “미국?” (US?)

“네” (Yes)


She kept talking, yet, like some twisted Christmas Miracle, I could understand her dispite not knowing any of the words!

Granted, my Korean vocabulary [was] small, but I still managed to say, “슬픈” (Sad). Then, for added emphasis, “아주 슬픈” (Very sad).


사망은 창백한 말… 우체부의 오토바이를 타요?

Posted in Hogwan Hijinks!, Oldies But Baddies, Tales From the Hogwan with tags , , , , , on October 31, 2018 by shenanitim

Translation: Death rides a pale hors… post office scooter?

I got a letter from the government, the other day/

I opened and read it, it said [I’m?] a sucker.

There’s no feeling worse than showing up to work only to find out that the mail that is there for you (!!!) is actually from the IRS. Takes all the magic out of getting mail really.

팀 선생님 시가 괴수입니다

Posted in Hogwan Hijinks!, Oldies But Baddies, Tales From the Hogwan with tags , , , , , , , , on October 1, 2017 by shenanitim

Translation: Tim Teacher is a kaiju.

File this classic under: First year teaching ESL in Korea (October 2nd, 2015).

It’s not often that I don’t have an answer in class. Today was one such day.

“Tim Teacher is tall.”

While that statement is grammatically correct, and also correct within the confines of said class, in any other situation it is completely wrong.

How do you break it to a 9 year old that while I am taller than him, I’m still not actually “tall?”

Things I Find…

Posted in Free-Range Tampa, Hobo-licious, Oldies But Baddies with tags , , on November 15, 2016 by shenanitim

When traveling around the city:


The Future (Still) Sucks

Posted in Free-Range Tampa, Oldies But Baddies with tags , , , , on April 26, 2016 by shenanitim


So approximately one billion years ago, or May 7th, 2014, whichever is closer, the Venture Compound had an art show called “the Future Sucks.” Clearly confused, they then asked Armzka Productions to participate. After all, Armzka is, at its core, one-half talented art guy and one-half loudmouth blowhard. Case in point – we agreed, and then had to work on an idea. I had none naturally, besides an overriding desire for the past 6 months to create and use a working greenscreen.

After a number of trips to Home Depot, tons of PVC bought, PVC cutters also bought, and a lazy Sunday afternoon spent waiting in line at some linen store packed with geriatrics, we had a workable frame and sufficient green cloth. I think we also bought some floodlights to augment what Leigh already had. And we were set!

For failure. It turns out while you technically can make a greenscreen for around $40 using a limited base of construction knowledge and a lot of trial and error, it’s not going to look that good. Not even good enough for Armzka’s level of “professionalism.” So Leigh ordered a real kit off of Amazon.


While we may not be proud of the process (or, at least,  I’m not), we are stoked with the results! So there it is in all its glory. We also had a television streaming the footage set up in the gallary so that your friends could stand around and laugh while you acted the fool in front of video footage (ripped and stitched together from that you couldn’t see. Great times were had by all.

So here the night is, as chronicled by one of our friends as we were too busy running back and forth making sure all the pieces didn’t fall apart.

Raccoon Is What’s For Dinner (Rubonia’s 2014 Mardi Gras)

Posted in Free-Range Tampa, Oldies But Baddies with tags , , , , on November 21, 2015 by shenanitim

Learning How Not to Sink

Posted in Free-Range Tampa, Live from the C.O., Oldies But Baddies with tags , , on January 26, 2014 by shenanitim

[I’m so glad I’ve left retail behind me…]

“Sir, do you carry baby coffins?”

“I’m sorry, we do not.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve worked here a long time and have never seen baby coffins here.”

[Indignant] “Well, do you know where I could get one?”

Guests always get angry when you don’t have whatever they’re trying to buy. They become even angrier when they find out that you’re not, in fact, a walking retail encyclopedia.

No ma’am, I don’t know where you could buy what you’re looking for. Last time I checked, that part of our marketplace was your area. Having cash isn’t enough anymore, we expect you to know what you want to buy and where to buy it too!

Sometimes it’s fun to play along with them awhile, so as to make their eventual disappointment that much more poignant.

“Excuse me, where do you keep the baby coffins?”

“Oh those? Let me think… Yeah, I think we have a few left. What size did you need? I believe I have a couple newborn ones in back, plus a few 2-3 months… Are you looking for any in particular? I know the newborn ones are honey oak, and we might have one of the 2-3’s in expresso.”

“What about black?”

“Please ma’am, let’s keep this civil!”

Public Grief

Posted in Free-Range Tampa, Oldies But Baddies with tags , on August 16, 2012 by shenanitim

Maybe I’m just being picky, but is it really a “dream wedding” if the bride dies during the reception?  Now I know receptions happen after the wedding proper, but still.  You could be married for two years and still make it on “The Newly Wed Game.”  So I think your wedding counts as the whole day, and not just the ceremony.  Which means this editor has quite a bizarre idea of what a “dream wedding” is. 

Not to mention the poor husband!  Not only does his wife die within an hour of marrying him, but then he makes the front page of the local paper!  How’s he ever going to live this down?

“Well I managed not to step on her toes like you warned me about Dad.  But I did accidentally force the life out of her body. Did that happen with Mom?”
What can he possibly do now? Marry again?  No girl is going to date him! I wouldn’t even talk to this guy, and neither of us are gay!  He’s got some bad hoodoo following him around.  

Speaking of hoodoo, just imagine the curse he put on said editor for running this story.

Goodbye Corneas

Posted in Free-Range Tampa, Oldies But Baddies with tags , , on August 9, 2012 by shenanitim

Now I know the idea of owning music is currently being challenged by the internet, with the record companies having lost any ground they could’ve ever dreamed of having.  But just imagine how friggin’ awesome it would be for Berry Gordy to knock on my (your?) door and demand the return of this, his record.  (According to the bit of legalese in the upper corner.)

“Son, I was driving through one of Tampa’s countless ghettos and had the urge to listen to “Smokin’ Smokey Robinson” again.  I hereby demand you return the promo to me, posthaste!  It is, after all, in your possession illegally!”

It would be the best two dollars ever spent.  (Making no judgements about Smokey’s claims that if “You Say It, We Play It,” yet not even touching the classic “Light’s Out.”)

Yesterday’s Most Uncomfortable Conversation, Overheard at Work (the Abridged Version)

Posted in Free-Range Tampa, Live from the C.O., Oldies But Baddies with tags , , on July 1, 2012 by shenanitim

“Would you buy used underwear?”

“No… unless it was from a young, Asian girl.”

Not the words I want to hear coming from my boss’ mouth.  Ever.  Please keep your pedestrian fetishes between you and your wife.

Unless you’re talking about autoerotic asphyxiation involving automobiles, I don’t want to hear about it.  At home or at work.  If it is, on the other hand, about autoerotic asphyxiation, then I have books about it and thus would have something to add.

[Photos from Stuart Swezey’s totally awesome Amok Journal: Sensurround Edition.]