‘Stache Bash 2013

I usually try to keep my Octobers derby-free every year. This allows me to conduct my Halloween Endurance Test in relative peace without the thought of a journalistic deadline eating away at my psyche. This year though, I felt bad because I had been MIA from roller derby since I switched careers and set fire to (most of) my old life.

So when the Tampa Bay Derby Darlins’ Championship bout, the ‘Stache Bash, was scheduled in October, I couldn’t say no. This year, following a bench-clearing, start from scratch, Day One draft, promised to break the Black Widows and Cigar City Mafia’s stranglehold on the Derby Darlins’ league title. (This year also introduced a trophy for the winning team to lord over until next season.) Giving us something this year that had only been hinted at in the past. Each year the Switchblade Sisters would get better, and come closer to the Championship, and with the draft/roster mix-up in place, and now they’ve finally succeeded!

‘Stache Bash 2013: the Black Widows vs the Switchblade Sisters – a match-up I would’ve thought crazy even one year ago; now a reality. Read about all the details in the write-up here.

Franky Panky 2013 (Day One)

Alright, Franky Panky 2013 was actually forever ago. (July 20th and 21st to be exact.) And, in an amazing bout of foresightedness, I actually took most of the following week off, to stay at home and write recaps. All of which are presented here.

Since then, however, things changed. I returned to work after my (near) weeklong absence to find the store in shambles, and the (remaining) crew ready to mutiny. So I put my two weeks in, as I was already fielding calls and doing interviews at other places.

So readjustment slowed the posting of these recaps here, as well as my finishing Day Two. Additionally, I entered into the Florida Free Film Fest with a friend, and made the cinematic masterpiece “the Haunted Stroller.” A masterpiece that ate up all my free time and imagination. (P.S. In case the film just isn’t enough, you can also read about the Haunted Stroller’s production here and here.)

Now on with the bouts! (Just click either the title or the corresponding photo to jump to the proper article.)

—NEW JAX CITY VS QUEEN CITY—

—PHILADELPHIA VS TALLAHASSEE—

—TAMPA VS ITHACA—

—TAMPA DERBY CHICKS VS LITTLE CITY—

—TALLAHASSEE VS NEW JAX CITY—

An extended power outage here led to Tampa’s first sock derby bout. Little did we know that the Ithaca League of Women Skaters are already experienced in such things!

—TAMPA VS QUEEN CITY—

The Black Widows Ask the Switchblade Sisters the Tough Questions

Name says it all really, even if by “the Black Widows” I mean “me.” ‘Cuz I’m pretty sure everyone else is certain of the answer. So click right here for both the question and the answer!

The Tampa Tantrums Take On the Palm City Punishers

On equal ground this time, as both teams are now WFTDA certified. Fort Myers took a beating, but still managed to show why WFTDA sanctions them. I believe they’re currently in a close tie with the miniature model of Edison’s lab for “Fort Myers’ awesomest cultural product.”

Votes will be taken through the link.

2013’s Rookie Rumble

While I like to believe that the Tampa Bay Derby Darlins’ annual Rookie Rumble is a way for the coaches to scout upcoming talent before the drafts start, really I think it’s just a way to get the skaters used to skating in front of an audience. A practice bout, if you will, for friends and family. The skaters are still learning the fine arts of both jamming and blocking, but dancing, as can be seen above, is a skill that can’t be taught. You’re either born with it, or you learn to do without.

As always, the real article is hosted here, on a website that pays me.

The Bradentucky Bombers vs the Fort Myers Derby Girls

The photo above isn’t the best shot from the set included in my article about Bradentucky’s recent bout against Fort Myers. Not even close. But the shot has a picture of Bradentucky’s often ignored, but never forgotten, secondary mascot: the space jelly fish. (The first mascot, of course, being the iconic Charlie Brown lights.) He looks so benevolent back there, always quietly watching the action that he can never take part of.

It even looks like he’s having a moment with Klymaxxx! While Phelony PhatBottom skates away in disgust.

Forget about her, space jelly fish, because this is your moment. Enjoy it.

Pssst… to all my non-space jelly fish readers, the article can be read here when space jelly fish turns his heart-breaking eyes away from you.

The Black Widows vs the Cigar City Mafia (04/20)

The other half of April’s bout is up. Let’s just say the redrafting of league teams went over like a lead balloon around these parts, but the changes it produced have been pronounced.

Read about the changes, and what they wrought, in the article here!

Demolition Dolls vs Team Knockout (04/20)

I’m trying to keep my roller derby reportage a bit closer to “up to date” this year, so here’s half of the derby goodness National Record Store Day delivered this year. With Junior Derby once again proving that the only difference between it and adult roller derby is the age.

Click this link to read all the action!

Swamp City Floods Tampa Bay

The Swamp City Sirens are masters at bridging the pack.

Tampa’s first derby bout of the year had their All-Star B-team, the Bruise Crew, taking on Gainesville’s B-team, the Swamp City Sirens. You can read about it here. What you won’t read about, however, is Gainesville’s amazing pack bridging ability.

Sure, as you’ll read, the Sirens were bolstered by an infusion of Gainesville All-Stars. But, when you see a bridge as picturesque as that, you forget about such details. (“Bridging” is done to extend the pack so that blockers who would normally be out of hitting range are kept in the confines of an elastic “10 feet.”)

Enjoy!

FL’s Roller Derby All-Stars (2012): Numero Cinco

I will never tire of running this photo.

Four votes.

All I could think about when I started this last year’s FL Roller Derby All-Star vote was, “what if I only get four votes?”

My immediate reaction would be to hide it. Act as if everything’s fine. Hope that no one notices that some bizarre team snagged the first place spot.

“The Punta Gorda Piratas are FL’s top derby team!?! What?”

I’d just have to stress the disclaiming “as voted by you” in the fine print at the article’s end. Yeah, that’ll do it.

Thankfully for all involved, the first vote came in. Then the floodgates opened, and three pages of hand-written notes later, we had our winners.

Of which we present the first one tonight: Blaque Jac! Read all about her awesomeness here.